got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
