no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
