I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
