She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
