I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
