dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
