i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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