apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
