I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
