I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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