New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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