this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize