I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
