Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
