Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
All I want is dick and wine.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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