Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
