If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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