i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have fence marks all over my body
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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