I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
