I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
