We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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