We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
