I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
