from now on my penis is your penis
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
farters have to be the big spoon...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
