it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
