I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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