I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
