If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
