I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
