so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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