There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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