Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
