how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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