I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I have demons in me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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