I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
