so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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