Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
