He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
