I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
