mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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