We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
