Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
