My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
