So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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