I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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