doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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