I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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