is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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