Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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