apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
