im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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