6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The feeling are messing with the penis
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
