if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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