Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
