Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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