tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
