hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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