Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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