I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
