My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
