They should really pass out barf bags in church
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
