You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
