Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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