for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
