What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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