I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
