The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
