you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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