Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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