This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
