Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
25 People Confess What Theyâ€™re Shamefully Attracted To
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house partyâ€”the house party that HE started, by the wayâ€” by pretending to be the police.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?