Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

People in love make me want to vomit

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.

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Read it at the TFLN blog
(260): View more from Indiana

Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.

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(435): View more from Utah

Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.

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(585): View more from New York

It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.

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(530): View more from California

Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?

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