This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot