god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.