I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while