Texts From Last Night

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I need help removing her.

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  (919): I need help removing her. http://tfl.nu/mzqp
  Replies (3) Good night (673) Bad night (1246)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.

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  (810): I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages. http://tfl.nu/0oct
  Replies (4) Good night (1670) Bad night (547)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk

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  (571): it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk http://tfl.nu/mdkh
  Replies (3) Good night (1294) Bad night (570)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.

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  (609): The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner. http://tfl.nu/zame
  Replies (6) Good night (1863) Bad night (1207)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking

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  (330): Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking http://tfl.nu/g2ou
  Replies (16) Good night (6282) Bad night (1048)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed

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  (765): She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed http://tfl.nu/bbsg
  Replies (18) Good night (1917) Bad night (4205)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating

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  (330): He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating http://tfl.nu/fig2
  Replies (7) Good night (2816) Bad night (2472)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.

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  (903): Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week. http://tfl.nu/2lhm
  Replies (18) Good night (1243) Bad night (2709)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.

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  (804): Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick. http://tfl.nu/rxn3
  Replies (17) Good night (4477) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.

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  (845): This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink. http://tfl.nu/qaqf
  Replies (5) Good night (2514) Bad night (876)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?

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  (612): just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately? http://tfl.nu/tgsa
  Replies (5) Good night (1023) Bad night (694)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...

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  (301): I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened... http://tfl.nu/z902
  Replies (6) Good night (792) Bad night (431)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours. 

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  (778): Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.  http://tfl.nu/s2ri
  Replies (1) Good night (628) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?

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  (780): Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel? http://tfl.nu/7lkz
  Replies (4) Good night (984) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?

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  (941): He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating? http://tfl.nu/3gve
  Replies (7) Good night (358) Bad night (980)

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