just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
