i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
